stress

Stress stress stress.

why is he causing so much stress to me? Even swimming doesnt help. They are all very discouraging. All the surgeons. How do you expect me to like surgery??

Employ somebody good please.

I really hope things will be fine. =)

My naughty ear

my naughty ear is still not working after two days. Everything becomes so loud. I can't even talk because my voice becomes louder!!

The inside story is maybe I just don't feel like talking to them,making an excuse just to avoid them. but seriouusly something is wrong with my ear.

Next problem, should I collect payment from him? I hate him for occupying space that he did not pay for, eating food without paying it. I did not intend to pay for you. Go away!! Then again, she paid for the space, she deserves to bring him in.

Where are you when I need you? Instead of studying, I am here grumbling about this and that. Okay back to studies. Study hard, prove yourself!

Sleep

Sigh. I keep falling asleep since yesterday. Not sure what's wrong. Luckily it went away after LUNCH!

Quite productive today I would say. Keep on GOING!!

Actually I was waiting for a message or a call. Like you said it feels weird just waiting for "what I expected" but nothing came. Hmm. I m not really sure about my feeling. How about you? My mum told me to give everyone a chance and give myself a chance. And I am giving myself this chance seriously. But the walls are just too hard to break!!!

Should I stop thinking about this? Or I have already stop thinking. I think I am just ignoring my feelings as usual.

I miss my family. Daddy, please call me! I wanna go dinner with you!!

Oh well, I haven't been taking much vegetables and exercising lately. Ah.. super unhealthy!!! Wanna get healthy back! Please please wwake up early and go swim tomorrow!!

Ok, ok, go study hard!! Otherwise later you have no time to study.

Distress

I just finished my mcr today. I m not quite satisfied with my result. Oh well, gotta work harder..

I m really tired. Do I have to act strong in front of them? I don't know if I have the energy to do so. But then, its my natural instinct to always act strong.I didnt want to act strong and stern and emotionless. I can't just collapse on you. I probably still don't trust you enough.

I am probably not as strong as you think or even I think. I am telling myself to stay strong. I probably need someone to talk to or lean on to show the weaker side of me. Sigh. I am not sure if this world is fair.

Such is life. Life goes on. Stay strong.

Fear. What are you afraid of? People asked me.  Some are scared of living things like lizards, cockroaches, some are afraid of height, some are afraid of the future. If you asked me , I can face anything at all. It's hard to know what I am afraid of. Deep down, emotions are my biggest fear, I think. I don't show it that much as I mentioned above. It's my natural instinct to stay strong and happy on the outside at least. I don't attach to things or people emotionally easily. I restrain myself. Break this wall and you will get the truth. It's very difficult. I know.

You made me think of myself.Reflections.

Stay strong. I will make it.

Things develop unexpectedly

I m still as busy as usual. There's Dr. W's class today. I came back laughing at myself for being ignorant, seriously. How can I not know such easy questions?
Seriously, I don't understand what really happened to me.

Please please go study hard. You cannot afford to fail this year.

Things seem to change unexpectedly. I don't know how to react.

Did I just post this morning?

Did I just post this morning?
I probably really need someone to talk to, and I couldnt find a person that I can trust to or just a person who is free to listen to me.

Probably. I just woke up from a 2 hour nap. It wasn't intended to be two hours. I wanted it short. I woke up , feeling angry and guilty, for sleeping too much, for not studying. It has happened twice.

It's okay. I m going to make it.

Oh yea. I forgot. I saw something scarry that is going to kill me.. I put my tupperware into a microwave to heat my food up. My food was wet and oily in the tupperware, I think its the plastic in the tupperware has just leaked out. Seriously, if I died, this is the cause. Just to document it.

Too many things happened. We can't remember everything and do everything. Yea, I m going to make it. =)

School stuff

I am really really busy but I have just too many thoughts. I need a passage to release my thoughts which is here.

I came home around 3am yesterday from school. Today at this time ,1125pm.. That's just how busy I am. I am not sure if I chose to do that or able to cope with that. I saw her twice studying with friends in school already. I should totally be studying hard.


One more group just joined. Really? Is worth doing this? I doubt this again and again. But I really believe I can do it. I should be studying now. He just told me he want to stay back to do attachment with me. I am not sure what's his purpose. I really don't. Again, I need an answer for that.

Life is just so uncertain.

meeting

Life has been busy. I have been coming back at home at 1 ish, well not from studying but from meeting. I am really scared that I am not able to cope.

Oh well.

Today we met. I m really glad that I have asked another friend along. Otherwise, I think we will be quickly finishing up our meal and leave. Seriously, friends for three years, we have nothing to talk to each other? I don't know whether is it just me, or we both feel the same. I really want to know the answer. Why do I find it so hard to talk to you while I can talk to strangers and other people about anything and everything.


I am scared to tell you the truth. I am afraid that you will look at me differently. Sorry.